Yesterday, as I awaited the President’s executive orders to be unveiled against a disgusting human backdrop (the President being disgusting, not the innocent children used by him) wild and chaotic possibilities raged through my head. Mr. Obama would outright ban all guns……..or maybe follow New York Governor Cuomo’s lead and ban any magazine that can hold over seven bullets……or perhaps national gun registration under threat of felony charges. All of these possibilities were scary to me, and unfortunately, I don’t think I was crazy to consider that they may have occured via executive order from this President.
When I first read the 23 executive orders, I was temporarily confused. They didn’t seem like that big of a deal considering how far Mr. Obama has pushed things before, especially coming as he does off an electoral victory and entering that rarified sphere where elections are of no consequence to him. However, I’ve been mulling over the orders, and here’s what I think Mr. Obama is doing, and why it is far more dangerous than an outright ban on either high capacity magazines or guns. Below are his 23 executive orders, which you can read here, and my vision of Mr. Obama’s internal monologue as to the essence of each one.
1. Issue a Presidential Memorandum to require federal agencies to make relevant data available to the federal background check system. I want ALL my federal agencies, even unrelated ones to gather information about those pesky guns and gun owners (note to self–call Kathy over at HHS to make sure she reads this one).
2. Address unnecessary legal barriers, particularly relating to the Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act, that may prevent states from making information available to the background check system. Why can’t we raid the databases of states to find out as much info as possible on guns and gun owners? And as an added bonus, since this order says “unnecessary LEGAL barriers”, I can also undermine federalism as well!! Go me!!!
3. Improve incentives for states to share information with the background check system. If the stick in number three doesn’t work, maybe a carrot will. New York will cooperate fully, I’m sure.
4. Direct the Attorney General to review categories of individuals prohibited from having a gun to make sure dangerous people are not slipping through the cracks. Categories of individuals? What about those bitter clingers? What can I start calling them as a group so I can deny their background check?
5. Propose rulemaking to give law enforcement the ability to run a full background check on an individual before returning a seized gun. If the government confiscates your gun on something unrelated, by golly we WILL find a way to keep your gun if you are dealing with law enforcement on an unrelated issue.
6. Publish a letter from ATF to federally licensed gun dealers providing guidance on how to run background checks for private sellers. I like strongly worded letters–they are working so well with the Iranians……
7. Launch a national safe and responsible gun ownership campaign. If only there were some group, some organization, that encouraged and trained people on how to be a responsible gun owner……..wait a minute! Better rethink this one…….or wait until my plan to destroy the NRA comes to fruition.
8. Review safety standards for gun locks and gun safes (Consumer Product Safety Commission). The guns should be locked AND in a safe…..at the bottom of the ocean.
9. Issue a Presidential Memorandum to require federal law enforcement to trace guns recovered in criminal investigations. Better wait to enforce this one until Fast and Furious dies down……
10. Release a DOJ report analyzing information on lost and stolen guns and make it widely available to law enforcement. Better wait to enforce this one until Fast and Furious dies down……..(didn’t I just think that? Better lay off the Wagyu).
11. Nominate an ATF director. OK, now I’m just filling up space because 19 executive orders is shock but 23 is SHOCK AND AWE, BABY!!!!!
12. Provide law enforcement, first responders, and school officials with proper training for active shooter situations. But not with guns! Maybe I’ll pull out the old duck and cover stuff from the fifties–reduce, reuse, recycle!!
13. Maximize enforcement efforts to prevent gun violence and prosecute gun crime. Be tougher (or something)!
14. Issue a Presidential Memorandum directing the Centers for Disease Control to research the causes and prevention of gun violence. Because gun ownership is obviously a disease, I’ll get me some research to back that up and then we’ll see how those bitter clingers like them apples!!
15. Direct the Attorney General to issue a report on the availability and most effective use of new gun safety technologies and challenge the private sector to develop innovative technologies. Maybe I can make a cool acronym like CAFE…….those bullets need to slow down and not be so darn deadly. I wonder if I can mandate a maximum velocity and slow down how fast the gun actually shoots……or what about biometric handles!!!!! “Cold, dead, hands” MY ASS!!
16. Clarify that the Affordable Care Act does not prohibit doctors asking their patients about guns in their homes. With an electrifying exit pass from Harry Reid, Obama blows by the NRA and SLAM DUNKS ALL UP IN WAYNE LAPIERRE’S GRILL!!! How do you like my protecting gun owners from snoopy Obamacare doctors clause now, son!!!!!!!! (hanging on the rim)……
17. Release a letter to health care providers clarifying that no federal law prohibits them from reporting threats of violence to law enforcement authorities. And he dunks again!!! Thank you John Roberts!!!!!
18. Provide incentives for schools to hire school resource officers. Schools always need more money….who cares what exactly a school resource officer does……
19. Develop model emergency response plans for schools, houses of worship and institutions of higher education. Just make sure they know that nobody should fight back in any way……that way, people will have their minds right when those VIPR teams ramp up…….
20. Release a letter to state health officials clarifying the scope of mental health services that Medicaid plans must cover. More people, more info.
21. Finalize regulations clarifying essential health benefits and parity requirements within ACA exchanges. Forgot to do that with the whole Obamacare thing……remind Kathy to get those exchanges started asap!!!!!!!
22. Commit to finalizing mental health parity regulations. We all have to be on the same page that people wanting to own guns is a psychotic disorder……
23. Launch a national dialogue led by Secretaries Sebelius and Duncan on mental health. It’ s the Arne and Kathy Show!!! Well, dialogue might be the wrong word here……I personally wanted “browbeating” but Valerie said people might not like that.
Mr. Obama wants his federal agencies to “study” gun violence and come to the conclusion that Second Amendment-believing gun owners are mentally ill in some way, or fall into some newly created category of people who shouldn’t have guns. Then, he will use Obamacare in exactly the overreaching way we all feared to gather information from doctors and other health care professionals on the activities of citizens. From this, he will identify who has guns and their names will go into a fully functional government database furnished with state, federal, and privately gathered information so he will know exactly who has guns, how many they own, and how likely are they to kick up a fuss if he sends someone to take them.
People, this is far worse than any outright ban would have been. It’s going to get far worse far quicker than we thought.